Things Idiots Need to Learn to Do - Part I

So I may be a bad person for saying it, but I seem to run into people who need a little with something. Now I'm not going to suggest that I am perfect; we can all use a little help right now. I call this part one as I foresee many future editions. However, here is a list of 5 things to make sure you know how to do (in no particular order).

-Know how to make a decent pot of coffee.

I'm thinking about the coffee that is awaiting me this morning as I make this post. Too many people don't know how to make good coffee. Don't skimp on the grounds, because you can always water down strong coffee but you can't do a thing to weak coffee. Most bad coffee is like sex in a canoe - f*cking close to water.

-Know how to hold open a door

I admit I am biased. Not only was I mainly raised by three remarkably strong women, but I was also instilled with a sense of chivalry and gentility because of a southern upbringing. All this aside, women like for you to open doors for them. You don't do this because they are incapable (heck, early life experiences taught me they have a tendency to be significantly more capable than their male counterparts) - you do it to make them feel special. Oh, and wear a smile when you do it!

-Know how to smile

I've met a few people who really need help with this one. You may need to practice while thinking of your favorite things, but a smile should convey sincerity and warmth. I should not fear for the safety of my pets when you smile.

-Know how to use a bus schedule

Okay... It isn't rocket surgery people. First of all, I promise that there is a bus going somewhere you want to go - you can try to take advantage of it instead of bitch-slapping the environment. Plus... You never what situation you will end up in. Cars can break down, but a sense of self-sufficiency doesn't.

-Know how to speak up

I understand that not everyone is blessed in the ways of projecting - but everyone is capable of it. Nobody wants to strain to hear you, all that will do is instill a mindset that you simply don't need to be heard!